I have been rather annoyed with myself this past week, for not blogging more.  I told myself that it was okay, that I was taking time out to do things that would improve my mental health and lessen the loss of DSB.  I told myself that starting new routines was what I needed to do in order to move on with my life, and, in some ways, that is true.  In some ways, it isn’t.

Not being on a structured schedule, where I have to be home at a certain time, get dinner on the table by a certain time, spend a certain number of hours at home, and so forth — that’s not structure I need, and it’s structure that I’ve kissed goodbye.

I realized that I have really no reason to wake up at 6:00 a.m. every day, or even 7:00 a.m. for that matter.  I therefore do not have to go to bed at 8:00 p.m. or 9:00 p.m.  What this means is that I can stay out (yes, OUT!) later, enjoying the company of my family, nuclear and extended.  It also means that I can stay up until 10:00 p.m. to watch a tv show or watch a movie.  It means that I can go to bed at 10:00 p.m. and it’s ok to  read for another hour or two, if I’m really into my book.

I mainly feel like, before I had all of these contstraints on me and on my time, and now those heavy chains have been unlocked and I have shed them, leaving them far behind.  Doing what I want to do, unfettered by anyone else’s agenda, is lovely.  Being where I want to be, eating what I want to eat, driving where I want to drive.  It’s all quite freeing.

In some ways, I feel like I’m a bit free-floating, and could possibly use some more structure, but I just feel so HAPPY with the way things are going right now, that maybe that part of me that has always held such tight control over having a schedule and having things PLANNED out, is releasing it’s grip a bit.

Regina asks, “if I kissed you where it’s sore, would you feel better, would you feel anything at all?”  The answer is, yes, I have actually already been kissed (by family, by freedom, by living life, by my pup!) where it is sore, and I do feel much, much better.



Just Like A Grizzly Bear

I am feeling rather pissy this morning.  It may be due to the fact that I slept like crap.  Apparently I was sleeping a little too deeply last night and had drank too many fluids right before bed.  You get the idea.  Bleh.

I’m sitting in my bird room with the two parrots I have quasi-inherited/taken over since Gav has been in the nursing home.  I love these birds and I don’t know if he really gets that.  I hope he does, hope he doesn’t move to Mobile, hope my birdies don’t go away.  I suppose I would come to an understanding if that were the way it would go, but it would make me feel like crap.

This weekend wasn’t terribly remarkable.  We went to a street festival with an amazing fireworks show on Saturday with my step-sister (my new bestest friend) and her husband.  It was fun, but DAMN, it was hot.  It was good to get out, though, even if it did mean that I stayed up way too late two days in a row. 

I am getting a lot out of my Pandora lately and have been featuring songs from it the last couple of posts.  I am actually getting a lot out of blogging, as well.  No promises that I can keep it up, but I’m gonna try.  Just like anything, it’s hard to get into a routine.

I know I’d like to get into an exercise routine.  I was thinking about joining Weight Watchers, but have decided against it.  I have done almost everything possible throughout my lifetime to lose weight.  I’ve done diet pills, drank shakes, done Weight Watchers, and so on and so forth.  Nothing has ever had a lasting effect.  I know when I was feeling my best, I was just watching what I ate (through counting WW points) and walking my dog. 

The plan is to go purchase some points books at WW and get out and walk the dog.  It would be easier if the heat index wasn’t 105 degrees when I got home, but I can come up with another million excuses, too.

It seems like I never have enough time in the morning to do all of the things I want to do, especially on Mondays.  I detest Mondays, although  I know that is a fairly common feeling among most working folks.  But really, really, I detest Mondays.  It is so hard to get back into the swing of things. 

Dr. Love and I are getting along better, trying to work on the whole communication thing.  It is an uphill battle sometimes, but it seems like we are both putting in more effort.  Apparently relationships take hard work.  I know I’ve heard that somewhere, and it appears to be true.  Who would’ve thought?!?

I have been trying to stay more in touch with my family up North.  I would love to go up there for a visit, but can’t ever seem to string any vacation time together.  Maybe in the Spring.  Now that I have more room, I would love for any of them to come here.  Maybe Cousin Carrie and her boyfriend will come, which she has mentioned.  It would be awesome to see them all again.  It sucks living so far away from all that family. 

Regina Spektor, The Calculation

Coming Up for Air

The goal with getting a piano was to develop a hobby and live more of a life, rather than just work, eat, and sleep.  Well, between the piano, Ab’s upcoming wedding, and all of the miscellanous stuff that Dr. Love and I have been up to, there’s barely been room to even watch TV.  I know.  Craziness, huh?  Let’s just say that I have a ton of stuff piling up on DVR. 

So I am loving.loving.loving my new piano.  Not only does it look fabulous in the house, more fabulous than I even thought possible (and it fits, HA!, Bill and Ann), I am getting fairly obsessed with playing it.  It’s insane that, even after probably 15-17 years of not playing, how quickly the music is coming back to me.  Right now, I’m working very hard at learning Ave Maria and have an easier version of the real deal almost down.  Next comes Fur Elise and then Moonlight Sonata.  Oh, the possibilities are endless

I guess I didn’t realize (don’t know why) that the Internet would have a huge source of free (or even somewhat free) sheet music to download.  After I get more into the swing of things, I’m going to get some vocal/piano music and do some singin’.  That’s right, not only can I play piano, but I can sing, fairly well.  I know I’ve at least entertained everybody around the campfire from time to time.

Ab’s wedding is this weekend and I’m actually getting excited for it, rather than dreading being around all.those.people.  It’s her big day, and I plan on doing whatever it takes to make it the most enjoyable and memorable possible.  The dresses are going to turn out really well, which is good, because there were moments after the first fitting that we were worried and were ready to take lighter fluid and matches to the dress-maker’s front yard ornaments.  Turns out that will likely not be necessary. 

Ab also found some very awesome Etsy jewelry (that I’ll have to find a link for) that she gave as gifts to us bridesmaids to wear at the wedding, hoping that we’d actually wear it again.  You done good, little sis, you done good.  The pieces are turquoise set in copper and are just  I couldn’t be more excited, and, in fact, received a lecture from QoB about not wearing them before the wedding.  Lemme tell ya, it’s been difficult to keep them in their little box. 

There’s a tiny part of me that feels bad for blogging so infrequently, but there’s a bigger part of me that feels good for keeping so busy and having less angst to rail about.  Besides, I’m doing this for me, not for other people, but rather to give myself a place to sort things out, and, really, there hasn’t been much sorting out to do lately.  I’m working at just letting things come and floating.  It’s an awesome feeling.

Definitely a piece I am going to learn to play and sing:

Regina Spektor, The Call

And We Called it Good

Another fabulous weekend in my world.  Not only did we have some fun, we accomplished quite a bit, as well.

On Saturday, we cleaned house for about, um, five hours.  Yes, I realize this sounds excessive, perhaps somewhat obsessive, but it’s really.really.clean now.  You could eat off any surface in the kitchen and Dr. Love dusted the whole house.  All we really have left to do are the floors and Dr. Love has promised me that he will take care of the bathroom.  And, you know, it’s not that it’s gross, but seriously, it’s a bathroom, and it doesn’t hurt to douse it in bleach every now and then.

Friday and Saturday night, we hung out with QoB, which was good.  We didn’t get to see her last weekend because they were out of town, or all week because we were busy, but we finally got in some good quality time.  Big Dog was out of town at a convention and so we got really wild.and.crazy.  Ok, maybe not, but we still had fun.  🙂

Dr. Love received some free tickets to the KC Renaissance Festival a few weeks ago and I was finally well enough from having the flu to go.  His parents ended up coming with us, and it was really a good time.  The weather was absolutely perfect — lots of sunshine, just a bit chilly but warm enough you could be outside all day with a sweatshirt and jeans.  I cannot express just how much I have missed the sun and being outside!

There were a lot of really fun booths and things to look at, but I only ended up bringing home one souvenir — these really magnificent stone coasters from Jerusalem Stone

Jerusalem Stone Coasters

Jerusalem Stone Coasters

The pic really doesn’t do them justice, but it’s a set of four, each one being a different color, but all so beautiful.  You can purchase them here.  Looking at their website, I see that they also do all sorts of wonderful things with flooring and tile.  One day, one day.  🙂

I have really been grooving on Regina Spektor here lately.  I leave you with one of my favorites:

Regina Spektor, On the Radio