Long Time, No Type-Type, Friends

I was afraid to look back at my blog and see the last time I posted, but I knew it had been awhile.  No particular excuse, other than living life and trying to get through the mess of the holidays and the mess and aftermath of parental divorce and enjoying the awesomeness of meeting someone new.

I have missed reading blogs for a few weeks now, but am going to start setting aside time to do that again, so you should see me popping up on your page every now and then again.  I miss the interaction on this blog, in the comments, between blogs, what have you.  I miss my blogging friends!

Seems that something of an Internet break was much-needed.  I think it is too easy to get wrapped up in writing and commenting and following and liking and more reading, writing, commenting.  Between WP and FB, I was spending far too many hours staring at a computer screen and here lately have started to remember what life is really all about.

It’s about love and family and friends.  Dogs and movies and conversation.  The little things, the big things — life doesn’t happen solely online, although you can live a mostly online life if you would like.  I started to recall the last few years of my life the other day and realized I had spent quite a a bit of it online.

I don’t regret any of that — the reading, the writing, the friendships.  For me, however, I have to have more and I wasn’t really allowing that to happen.  Over just the past few weeks, I feel like I have come alive.  Granted, there was some mania in there, but lately I feel like I have made some really good decisions and I feel good.  That’s right.  I feel happy and content and (mostly) free from anxiety.

Prior to my Internet departure, I was taking Klopin PRNs daily, but since, I have only taken one or two.  I have re-learned how to soothe myself and have remembered how to look out for numero uno.  I have reintroduced openness, love, and hope into the equation.  I am seeing someone very dear to me and am having the best of times with it.

Who knew I could ever do these things or feel these feelings again?  Nearing the end of 2013, I made a resolution that I was done with men.  They were all jerks.  So, I stopped looking and stopped caring, and lo and behold, the loveliest relationship is now blossoming.  It seems that the old wise words are true — when you stop looking, it will happen.  When you least expect it.  Indeed.


Making My Resolutions, Mid-Year

Great Expectations is what the Daily Prompt would like us to talk about today.  They also put out another post, which I cannot find, that tells us bloggers that we shouldn’t announce it “like that” when we are getting ready to do a Daily Prompt.  I really don’t see why not, so I’m rolling with it.

So, something I promised myself I’d do by the end of the year, and what progress has been made?  I’m not sure, because this year, I purposely didn’t make any resolutions.  Part of it was feeling so uncertain about what the next year would bring, part of it was laziness, and part of it was because, whenever I make “New Year’s Resolutions,” they always end up going out the window within a week.  Maybe I just set the bar too high.  Don’t know, but at any rate, I don’t have any “pending” resolutions.

But I’m gonna make a couple, and only a couple.

First and foremost, I AM going to get my eating under control.  I may or may not have to stop olanzapine in order to do this, or I may just have to guts it through anyway, but I cannot, simply CANNOT continue on the trend I am on.

I don’t know exactly yet how I am going to do this.  I have thoughts of restricting carbs and cutting out sugar, but I just don’t think I can hack that.  Of course, there’s always portion control, which I am terrible at.  This will be discussed with Goddess of Mindfulness tomorrow.  Part of the big issue right now, is that I am eating foods I love, foods that I haven’t (or didn’t) eaten in a long time, and I’m like a pig as the hog trough’s filled.

My second major (and really, only other) resolution is, by end-of-year, I will have quit smoking again.  Now, I’m not ready to try it right at the moment, but I’ll be getting there.  I’m already tired of all the coughing and not being able to breathe.  I’m getting to that quitting point, slowly, but surely.

If I can do those two things, I’m golden.  I’m not as interested in losing weight, as I am about being healthy.  I’m sure some pounds will be shed, but that’s not what I’m in it for.  I’m in it for increased mobility, increased energy, and for the sake of my health.  I think the smoking part will be a no-brainer at some point in time this year.  I know for sure, it will be a lot easier to quit, without living with someone who smokes.

And as always, here’s Mr. Bob Marley, singing my theme song of the moment:




By Next Thanksgiving, I Will Be Thankful For…

Made it through Turkey Day by the skin of my teeth.  If you have to wonder about that one, check back through the last few posts, and I’ll also give a recap.  DSB and I arguing.  Day Five of quitting smoking.  Ungrateful children at Mom’s Thanksgiving.  Dad and therapist stoking the fires of mine and DSB’s arguments.  Much angst about all sorts of things, really.  Anything that could be angsted over, was, again and again.

And now we’re done, right?  I mean, like until next year.  All of this familial stress and jonesing for a smoke and self-doubt in the brain and people influencing you to pick fights with your significant other…it’s all done for this year, right?  Well, I wish it was, and maybe part of it can be, if we just work at it a little bit.

I have never been one for New Years Eve resolutions, and I’m not going to start this year.  What I am going to do is start a new list…a list of everything I hope to be thankful for by Thanksgiving 2014.  This list, of course, is not all-inclusive, but it covers the big ones.  And to you naysayers out there who say I should be thankful for what I have, well, I am.  Thankful, that is.  I am thankful also that I can dream and hope for a bigger, brighter future, which is what this list is all about.

In no particular order, I give you the “By Next Thanksgiving (2014), I’ll be thankful for…”

1) A brand new addition to our family.  My sister and husband are having a little boy and the entire family is ecstatic.

2) Newer and deeper understanding of DSB, that I hope to gain through mind control, bribery, and long and meaningful chats.

3) An improved relationship with my mother, in that she stops calling me her kitchen bitch, and I stop running home when she makes me feel like a child.

4) One year smoke free.  Can you imagine what the stats would be like?

5) A stellar Christmas 2013.  Whoo-boy, did you see the tree that Rose put up?! Zowwwiie!

6) The ability to walk at least 3 miles, starting in short stretches.

7) The health and happiness of the pups, especially watching over Rascal not getting heartworms again and Kizzie’s bum leg and skin allergies.  Hey, here’s to being thankful on Thanksgiving 2014 that Kizzie’s skin allergies have been figured out and we can stop feeding her Zyrtec to no avail.

8) Being able and trusted to take care of my nephew, on my own, for at least one hour.

9) DSB being smoke-free.  A girl can dream, right?

10) Domestic bliss, in that my house helps me along the way as I clean it.  Lovely hope and dream.