I am happy to say that the last month or so has been going fairly well. Sure, there have been some slight ups and downs, some blips on the radar…but overall, I am actively coping with my life, with this illness, with the relationship between the two, and with the bigger picture.
I have been in individual talk therapy for over half of my life, or since I was about age 16. I find therapy to be extremely useful and heaven knows that Goddess of Mindfulness, was around to be a party to most of that. She was the world’s best therapist, and she probably is still out there, therapizing those in need and playing the magical singing bowls.
I have done further individual therapy at the community mental health center in my town, which I have also found helpful. Fifteen-plus years of therapy will lead you to a lot of “ah-ha!” moments, and while I don’t think I am necessarily done having those moments, I feel like I need to test my coping skills in this life I am leading, without the direct benefit of individual talk therapy.
After discussing this with my current therapist, The Scribbler (takes vigorous notes), we decided that I would take a one month break from individual sessions. I will still have expressive therapy, group DBT, and medication appointments weekly — just leaving out the talk therapy for the moment. To me, this is kind of a test of sorts.
I have a safety net. I can call her and reschedule for a sooner appointment at any time, but I really feel like maybe I can use the natural supports in my life and the coping skills that come from DBT and really deal with anything the next month is going to throw at me.
I have no doubt I will need therapy again at some point, but I think it is really important that I take this break so I can prove to myself, not to mention anyone else, that I really can deal with issues as they come in a calm and wise-minded fashion. At least, I think I can *right now*.
Who knows where I will be this time next year, or next Spring, or any of the other times in space when I traditionally crash and burn. This is my little experiment, and I hope that I can document a good bit of it, so I can come back and look at it later, because that always seems to help.