Sometimes it’s the minor day-to-day drama that can really drag you down, exhaust you, make you feel like slashing someone’s tires. Sometimes there is no positive solution to a situation, so you have to make the best out of what you have. That is what I am doing with my supervisor.
When I went to my supervisor’s boss, she assured me that there would be no retribution, revenge, or hostility that would come from it. She even told me, after I was done telling my story about how uncomfortable I was working with her, that she didn’t think my supervisor should supervise anyone. That’s how bad it is.
Now I’m not sure what my supervisor told her supervisor, but there was a meeting between the three of us and her supervisor decided that my boss should stay the same. Assured me there would be nothing negative to come from it. I knew, even sitting there in that meeting, noticing how my supervisor would not respond to things I was saying, noticing how she kept trying to make me look bad (by dredging up ancient history), noticing how she pretended that she didn’t know I was unhappy or that there was a problem…I knew that there would be continued issues.
Now they’re just quiet issues. I moved my office and am much happier with my working environment. I don’t have daily contact with her, and when I do email (which is rarely now), she usually doesn’t respond, or gives short and abrupt replies, such as “ok” or “This is someone else’s responsibility.” Ok fine. Since she doesn’t respond to my emails, I send even fewer. I don’t think she knows what is going on with my caseload at all. Maybe she wants it that way, maybe she doesn’t. I really don’t know.
At the meeting, one of her biggest complaints was that I email her too much. Well, I can fix that. The main reason I was always emailing her was because I thought she would want to stay up-to-date on the cases I am working and because I knew that she used the emails I sent her for my performance evaluation. Now I dread my next one, in April. Lord only knows what she’ll say. I am saving all emails and will just print her out a big stack when the time comes.
It has become really ridiculous, really. She is short with me when I call, mainly giving one-word answers, “Yes, OK, that’s fine.” I don’t know why I am expecting more. Maybe it is because I am a people-pleaser and I don’t like being treated in an unfriendly manner.
I don’t feel like a have a supervisor at this point, at least not like any supervision I’ve ever had. She wanted to know at the meeting why I was going to other people for help and not her. Well, when she doesn’t respond to my emails, won’t talk to me in the phone or in person, and acts like I am wasting her time, rolls her eyes, sighs heavily, or gives a smart response anytime I mention a case, then why would I?
Blech…maybe I should have just suffered in silence. This is almost worse. I hate being ignored and not taken seriously or, more frequently, not given the time of day. I hate it in any area of my life, and this has been especially difficult. One of these days maybe she’ll find a new job or she’ll retire, and I’ll breathe a deep sigh of relief, and (many, many) years from now, I might even look back and chuckle a little about how bent out of shape I was over this. For right now, though, it’s anything but funny.