Dark-thirty AM Gratitude — TToT

 

Found on tabletonic.blogspot.com

Found on tabletonic.blogspot.com

It has been awhile since I have participated in TToT.  It just seemed like the weekend always just slipped by me as I put it off again and again.  It occurred to me yesterday that the gratitude list that is TToT has always helped me immensely, as during rough times it is important to sit back and try and pinpoint the good in things, even as your mind is churning with the bad.  There of course some repeats that continue on from past TToT’s, but I am considering it a good thing that some of the positives in my life are static, no matter what hell is going on.

1). What started out easy has become really, truly difficult.  I am talking about quitting smoking, of course.  I have had a few relapses, I am sad to say.  Nothing has been permanent, but still.  I am thankful, though, that I keep on trucking even after I do slip up.

2). Secondary to the feeling good about trying to quit, is the ever-magical Atomic Fireball jawbreaker.  I have been going through these things like crazy and find they are what is best when I am having a strong craving.

3) I am grateful that (without smoking), I had enough money to open an Audible account.  I am really excited about the possibilities for audio books.

4). Related, my dad and I are going to start listening to books together and then have our own little book club.  We started Stephen King’s novel about a man going back in time to save JFK and it is really interesting and well-read.  Even Dad is liking it, and it is really not his normal kind of book.  Thanks to Marilyn at teepee12.wordpress.com for the great recommendation!

5) Speaking of Marilyn, and a few others out there, I have THE best, hands-down online friends one could ask for.  Ranging from an acquaintance to a BFF I talk to every day — even when I feel really all alone, I can hop online and then I am not.

6). It sounds like perhaps the Big Dawg isn’t going to move too far away, after all.  That in itself is anxiety reducing.  What I am saddest about it losing my family.,

7). I am thankful for my mom for so many things. She has been staying with me during the time leading up the divorce, and while there is no extra burden, I am just happy I can help.  A big plus is having her help around the house and just having someone to talk to.  And I think between the cleaning and the Kizz and the mouse traps, headway is finally beings made on the mousie infestation.  Thank heavens for that!

8). Kizzie once again also being celebrated — you just can’t stay too sad if you are playing with her or petting her or having her sit on your lap.  Dogs truly do heal the spirit, I believe.  And Kizzie is a very special dog.

9). I am thankful my writer’s block is over (knock on wood!) and it feels really good to be out in the blogosphere again.  I am especially grateful to anyone still reading, as I know those unannounced leave of absences can be annoying.

10) I am glad I have my Surface, especially since my laptop just shot craps.  I am getting used to the keyboard and touch screen, ever so slowly.  Thank you, my green friend out there, for introducing me to Surface.  🙂

To do the linkup (and you totally should) write your gratitude list, tag Lizzy, and put the link to your post in the linky-up-thingie.,  Hope you have all had a week wherein 10 things of thankful can be found

Building A Life Worth Living, Week Four

life worth living

 

The tiny miracles, true friendship, amazing family, beloved critters, and lovely events in my life that have made life worth living this week:

1) The ability to send an “unpublished” post to a few friends, have those friends reply in earnest, and wind up with an email chain full of great advice and love.  Thank you…stuff like that makes my week, any week.

2) The beauty that I was able to start again with Goddess of Mindfulness, the ORIGINAL therapist to end all therapists.  She has been a great support to me in what has been a really difficult week.  I have never had a mental health professional be more supportive and more willing to spend the time.  And to genuinely care — that might be the best part.

3) That a tiny miracle, a new baby, may be growing in the belly of one of my dearest friends.  That I will be able to be witness to this little one from pregnancy on up, is precious.

4) The trust that QoB and the Big Dawg have in Blue Cat and myself, to run both stores while they are away at a conference.  The Rock and I did it last year, and it seems that the Big Dawg is getting better at ceding intense control.  That, and we’re trusted — that is the big part.

5) The resiliency of the Kizzer Wizzer.  She had been so accustomed to me being at home 24/7 when I was sick, and now it seems I am gone all the time.  She has transitioned beautifully and is still a happy little dog — she gives me no reason for guilt.

6) The ability to end the week on a high note, feeling good, feeling positive and optimistic, and most importantly, living in the  moment.  The weenie roast at the end of the week was perhaps the best time I have had, with friends, in quite some time.

7) The reaffirmation that I made the right decision in not having children.  It is lovely to watch friends’ and families’ children grow, but I know deep in my  heart that I could never do it myself.

8) The wisdom, courage, and forethought to remove myself from toxic situations before they become too ugly.  Truly beautiful wise mind.

9) Noticing the serious side effects of a temporary medication after one day, being mindful to it, and deciding to not continue.  My mental health is a priority to me, and I would rather have painfully swollen feet and ankles, than to be up peeing every two hours, all night long.

10) The sheer joy of having a big bag of ice in the refrigerator, so I can have my water as cold as I like it, thus motivating me to drink more water.

Ten Things of Thankful, Third Edition

Today’s Top Ten was inspired by the following:

keep on

Yesterday’s post (which was read by I think, four people and didn’t even receive a like, not that I’m bitter or the low number freaks me out or anything) was all about never giving up, with a second half that sprawled out into the wide world of why it’s not good to lie.  I know, totally random.  It was one of those kind of days.

But, like Joe Dirt, in my opinion the funniest and most heartwarming David Spade movie to date, Joe keeps keeping on.  Just like I’m keeping on, through so much good stuff that it outweighs the bad.  In some ways it’s hard to keep keepin’ on right now, because DSB is in such a bad place.  I feel like I don’t have my partner, like some of the oxygen in my air has been sucked out, like things are just a little bit like a tilt-a-whirl at the carnival and my little seat keeps going round and round as the bigger platform gyrates up and down.

You get the point.

1) I am thankful for giant beach towels.  Kizzie is hiding under one spread across my legs as I sit here and type this.  She is terrified of rain and thunder.  DSB is in bed already and apparently Kizzie was not successful in getting tucked  under the blanket.  It’s kind of nice to me, because these days she usually runs to him when she’s scared.  It’s a good feeling to be her protector every now and again.

2) I am thankful for blog posts in which I make no sense at all.  It keeps me humble and reminds me that I should never write a book, as much as it might be encouraged.  I feel sad when there isn’t even a single like on a post, and maybe one comment.  I mean, I get it.  I don’t read and like and comment on every single thing that I read, but I do on a lot.  It’s one of those things that just is.  People like the damndest things that I write, and then skip over some that I think are pretty good.  Whatev.  I’m not in it for the money or the fame and glory.  I’m in it because I genuinely like doing it, even if it’s only for my own sake and the only person that reads it is my mom and therapist.

via

I know, Mom.  I know!

3) I am above and beyond thankful for my Kindle.  I was never one of those people who said, “oooohhh, but I LOVE real books.  The paper and the smell and the blah blah blah.”  I had to have one from the moment they came out and took off.  I’m on my second now, a Kindle PaperWhite and I love love love it!  I love being able to download books from my county library for free (just like with a real book, I know), I love $1.99 specials and 50 books under $3.99 and big credits on my account when the publishing firms screw up and lawyers decide they owe the readers money.  I love not  having big dusty bookshelves and accidentally tearing pages and dogs chewing them to shreds.  I can’t think of one single thing I don’t like about my Kindle.  Bury me with it.

from Amazon.  I have the pink case.  :D

from Amazon. I have the pink case. 😀

4) On a related note, I am thankful that Dean Koontz just keeps on writing.  That man can write like nobody’s business, and he’s just a-churnin’ ’em out!  I am currently working my way through the “Odd” series.  I had already read the first three some time ago, like when they came out, but much to my delight, I found out there were several more and my library carries ALL of them in their ebook library.  Can a girl ever get more lucky than that?

5) I am thankful for the ability to run the air conditioner in my car with the windows down.  This may sound silly, but sometimes it’s hot, but the breeze feels nice.  It’s probably all sorts of wasteful and I’m probably going to get an email from my mom or a lecture from my dad on how hard that is on a car’s system, but I’ll take my moment where I can get it.  It’s not like I do it all the time, all right?

6) I am thankful that Blue Bell ice cream pints were on sale today when I went to Walgreen’s to pick up some cough medicine for DSB.  And they had mint chocolate chip, which just made my whole damn day.  I find that, when your food budget is extremely limited, you don’t get a whole lot of chances to eat ice cream or cookies or chocolate.  Because that stuff is expensive!  But so is broccoli.  Go figure.

7) With all the ongoing anxiety (all related to DSB’s health and welfare), I have been having a hard time falling asleep.  I saw my psychiatrist early this week and he prescribed Sonata.  Of course, there was a prior authorization from my insurance required, so I managed to get it by yesterday evening.  Let’s just say that I am thankful for Sonata, because I fell right to sleep.  I did, however, wake up and put my shorts on inside-out.  Do not know if the two are related.

via Walgreen's

via Walgreen’s

8) I am thankful most of all this week, for prayers, kind thoughts, candles lit, dances danced, and so on for DSB and hope for recovery from ill health.  Not quite sure what’s wrong at the moment, other than he is extremely short of breath and is coughing.  And running a fever.  And having pain in his chest.  He assures me he is not having a heart attack, and since this has been going on a week, I presume he is correct.  My fear is that his blood clots are back somewhere and his thought is that he has a cold which may or may not have turned into pneumonia.  I am very scared at this point, because it just seems like health problem after health problem and he can’t function properly.  It really has him depressed, too.  And there’s nothing I can do, unfortunately other than making sure he stays hydrated and gets up and walks around once in awhile (to prevent more clots).  And nagging him to see a doctor.  So, if you’re reading, and you’re any kind of spiritual, send a shout out to the Universe that DSB recovers soon.  I feel like one of my legs is missing.

dandelion

9)  I am thankful for having a working car.  I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be without personal transportation.  Sure, there’s public transportation here, but it’s in the city.  And from what I hear, it’s less than ideal.  Maybe in a big city I would be okay without a car, but I have so many appointments (and so does DSB), that I think it would be a real hassle.  So, I am feeling very fortunate.

2004-chrysler-pt-cruiser-4dr-wgn-blue_100137332_m

10) I am thankful I am not addicted to Facebook anymore.  I don’t know if it’s just the “friends” I have, but there is so much negativity and drama.  I opened it up for a little while about an hour ago to check on something on my parents’ business’ site, but jeez.  It’s terrible and horrible.  Maybe it’s just me and I need to develop a tougher skin.  Whatever the case may be, I’m seriously considering deleting my account.

images

I couldn’t find one with a “thumbs down,” which is what I really wanted. 😦

And that’s the long and short of it.  This is a really fun post to do, and you have through Sunday to get ‘er done for the link-up, which you can find at Considerings.