That’s Just How it Goes

I am pleased to say that I have kept up with the Ritalin and it is working wonders.  With a little help from QoB, the house is starting to look good again and I have really been keeping up with cooking and kitchen mess.  When I went around the house and picked up laundry, I unfortunately found dirty clothes stockpiled everywhere so now I am very behind in that department.  I don’t mind doing laundry, but this pile is massive.  I’m just tackling it methodically and doing the best I can (while watching Grey’s Anatomy episodes between cycles).  Life is so hard!  Hehe.

DSB has a doctor’s appointment today to see why he always feels sick.  I think it’s the sertraline (Zoloft) that he’s on, but he is much less anxious with it.  It really sucks that medications have so many unfortunate side affects but work well on the problem they are meant to solve.  DSB is fed up, however, and is ready to get off Zoloft and try something else.  I support him in whatever he wants to do and just hope we can get him to feeling better, because, although it’s not the biggest concern I have about the medication, its killing our sex life.  Does that seem selfish?

I am still thinking about some longer-term goals I  would like to set for myself.  As I had mentioned in a previous post, Medicaid has changed in our state and is now being managed by three separate companies.  My company offers reimbursement for Weight Watchers and I am seriously considering looking into it.  I have done WW before with great success, and I am at a stage where I am going to start having serious health concerns if I don’t drop a serious amount of weight.  Right now, my labs are all fine and I don’t have many problems related to the excess weight I am carrying, but I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb in that regard.

Once my foot is better, I’d like to start walking again, getting some fresh air daily.  Walking used to be a real joy for me, but now it’s just painful.  I know I will have to start slowly, but it’s something that I know I can do.  I see blogs of beautiful women of all sizes that are running marathons and doing triathalons, and while I’m not ready for something like that nor do ever plan to be, it is inspiring that weight alone does not hold people back from their passion.

At this point, it would be nice if things were just easier by losing weight.  Like, putting socks and shoes on or fitting in a narrow bathroom stall or being able to shop off the rack.  Little things to many people, but serious annoyances to a super-sized gal like myself.  I could really go on and on and about all the minor annoyances that I have come to accept as part of everyday life, but that might get boring.

I really do feel like I am at a point mentally where I can take on that kind  of challenge, and as soon as I hit “publish post,” I’m gonna make that call to the insurance company to see just what the deal is.  Godspeed!

The Curse of Never Being Satisfied

Halloween is upon us in just one short day.  I am proud to say that I have purchased no Halloween candy, and have not eaten any Halloween candy, other than one Reese’s PB cup that called my name for days until I gave in.  Candy isn’t really my downfall.  My downfall is biscuits and gravy, cheeseburgers, and anything with cheese.

My Weight Watchers weigh-in is tomorrow and I am interested, but not excited.  I am assuming that these steroids are what is making me feel starved all of the time.  I was just reviewing my progress for the week and, Monday thru Thursday I was super-good.  Friday and Saturday were not so good.  This is how it usually trends.  I think that if I can stay away from beer today and not give into this killer urge to get a DQ Pumpkin Pie Blizzard, then tomorrow will be just fine.  And if not, weight is just a number.  I feel thinner, people are commenting about my weight loss, and my clothes are looser.

So, the title of today’s blog, “The Curse of Never Being Satisfied.”  When I sit down to blog, I have all of these ideas running through my head of what I want to write about.  I’m not an organized blogger, where each post is about one topic.  It’s more of a mish-mash and that’s just how I write.  Words come from my fingers almost faster than I can get them out of my head.  I have the tendency to set my title before I type my blog, so sometimes they don’t match.  I rarely go back and change the titles.

I went to my step-sister’s house today to see my niece and check out her new digs.  It’s a tiny house, but she has it decorated very nicely and, while it is not my style, it is very homey.  She has even decorated for fall, complete with hay bales, pumpkins, scarecrows, and the like.  When I went to her house, I felt jealous that she had everything “just-so” and I still don’t have any pictures hung up.  It was kind of depressing.  I even heard these little whispers that told me that my house didn’t measure up.

Then I came home, and that is SO not true.  My house is way cuter, much bigger, has a better layout, and is super-spacious in comparison.  It just isn’t decorated to the 9’s.  It has great light in every room, and I have a lot of nice antique furniture.  The wall colors are all picked out by me, and I feel at home in every single room.  This is the perfect house for me, on the perfect plot of land, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way.  I will get it all decorated eventually, and until then, it still rocks.

Funny how our mind can trick us.  Just yesterday I felt so good about getting my few “big” purchases made for the weekend (gas, dog food, cigs) and didn’t think I needed another thing.  Today, I feel like I need to go to Walmart and buy a tea kettle because a cup in the microwave just isn’t good enough.  I get silly with money like that, and it is sometimes all I can do not to just spend spend spend.  So, I am not going to any stores today.

I looked at recipes today, thinking that I would really like to do some cooking.  But why would I do that?  I have dinner in the freezer, more QoB leftovers, good as the day they came off the stove.  I have some things I could make out of the groceries I already have, but nothing sounds good, except for ham and beans and cornbread, which I will likely have tomorrow when QoB returns from the lake. Eating leftovers saves me money, saves QoB from throwing out huge quantities of food, and I don’t have to cook (which I love and hate, at the same time).  I think I would feel better about it right now if I had been helping her more lately, but deep inside my brain I know the reason for not helping much has been that I have been sick.  I’m tired of being sick, have I mentioned?

In fact, I’m so tired of it, that I have decided at this very minute, that I am no longer sick.  I’m just done.  I will stifle every cough and sniffle, ignore every headache.  I will not complain anymore.  That’s my new goal for the week.  Acting as if I am well, will make me well.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it, nasty illness.  Just go the eff away.

Sheryl Crow, I Can’t Cry Anymore


Making it Click

I must admit, blogging is addictive.  Especially when you have some free time.  I spent the morning changing the appearance of the blog, using a new thing-a-ma-jigger that I found.  I think they’re called templates, but I could be wrong.  I left up the header picture that was on there, because it’s pretty, but not really “me.”  I have this fabulous little digital camera now and I am pretty sure I can get some great fall pics taken in my own backyard.  The trees are starting to turn and it’s gorgeous.

The new house is technically “in-town;” however, just across the street is considered outside the city limits.  There is a big patch of forested area very close to my house, and I have a humongous back yard with lots of trees and other prettiness.  I even have a huge asparagus patch that looks very mature and a stand of concord grapes.  Unfortunately, it seems that my neighbors’ have picked all of the grapes, so I will be putting up a sign because I am SO not sharing my asparagus. 

It has been a rather painful weekend for me.  I had to have a cyst removed on my lower back and have been back to the urgent care clinic three times since Saturday mid-day to have it drained and re-packed.  My fingers are crossed that I don’t have MRSA, but they sent in a sample to be cultured and I should know for sure by Tuesday.  Wonder what work would say if I did have MRSA?  Questions to be answered on Tuesday.

I am really rediscovering blogging here in the past couple of days.  It is something that I have missed doing regularly and never make time for.  I think it is high time that I start again.  Many thanks go out to Pasha for prompting and reminding me what a joy it is.  WordPress has really changed their site, so there may be a few little glitches here and there.  There is now a place where you can “like” a post on FB.  I am not sure I really want that up there, because I don’t want my work friends reading this.  Thinking I will just leave that one alone.

Speaking of FB, I have really been getting out of that scene lately.  I still read it, but find myself posting less frequently.  I get annoyed by people who complain on FB, and I don’t want everyone to know my business, so I generally just end up saying something goofy or replying to others’ goofy posts.  I have put a few pictures of my dogkids up and they seem to be well received.  It seems like that is a lot of what FB is about — showing off your kids/grandkids/etc.

So, as I said in my last post, I am looking for winter projects, doing much better when I have “missions.”  I have a little list going on my home computer and am adding a few more things.  I recently started reading again a blog that a friend of mine puts out.  She blogs religiously and seems to really love it.  She is always doing crafty things with her kids and she reminds me a lot of my mom in that respect.  Much love to you Adriana!

Adriana is another reason I am blogging.  I am interested in keeping up with what old friends are doing, and I would like for some old friends to know what is going on with me.  I am not a hugely social person, don’t go to bars or parties, but like to keep in touch with a few people.  I have a friend who is getting ready to have a baby and I am really excited to be back in touch with her.  We were Rocky and Bullwinkle back in the day, and even now when we get together we’re chatting nonstop, finishing each other’s sentences.

In other news, I started Weight Watchers a little over a month ago.  Prior to that, I was using SparkPeople and tracking what I ate.  Since the beginning of SparkPeople and into Weight Watchers, I have lost almost 25 pounds.  It is amazing how that small amount of weight off can make you feel so wonderful.  I have more energy, my clothes are getting baggy, and I am fitting into things I haven’t work in over a year.  I am more active and feel happier, not guilty all the time and feeling physically ill from eating crap and laying around.  For me, Weight Watchers is easy because you can eat anything you want and you have weekly support and pep-talks.  The website has what is called “E-Tools” and you can do all of your point tracking there, read success stories, build a recipe, search recipes, and read all kinds of interesting articles.  I am really loving it and what it has done for me so far.  I have not set a final goal, but am working on my first five percent.  After that I’ll go for another five percent, and then another and another, and so on.  I have a huge tupperware container and three large boxes of very cute clothes that will be fitting within the next 25 to 50 pounds I lose.  So very exciting!!

I found a great-looking recipe on The Sphors Are Multiplying called Slow Cooker Chicken Chili Verde.  I am making that in the crock-pot tomorrow with a few changes.  I am really loving fall and the idea of having dinner made at the end of the day by dumping a few things in a crock-pot in the morning.  Next up is pork chops in sauerkraut.  Served with a baked potato, it just doesn’t get any better. 

Not really about food, but cute nonetheless…

Kate Nash, Pumpkin Soup