I haven’t blogged for the last several days because I haven’t felt I had anything of import to say. I’ve also been less than motivated, full of self-criticism, and in general avoiding any kind of reaching out.
I saw my therapist on Tuesday. About a month and a half ago, I had switched to seeing her every other week. With a few cancelled appointments due to snow, DSB illness, and other random occurances, I managed to see her twice in six weeks. Not good.
During our meeting on Tuesday, I decided that I wanted to go back to seeing her once a week. I am on a somewhat steady path, and am ready to tackle some demons that have been haunting me for several years. I’m ready to take on the trauma issues, the self-confidence issues, the self-assurance issues. I’m ready to take on things that I have just dealt with that need to be changed.
For the past few weeks, I have been feeling a bit purposeless, but with these new therapy goals, I feel like I am taking life by the proverbial horns again. I am not a person who does well with doing this, undirected. I feel confident that I can resolve many problems with the help of my therapist, and the support of DSB and family.
One of the things that I want to do is be better-informed, as in, possibly start keeping up with news and current events. I have such a good time talking about things like this with my Dad and he is always super well-informed, watching the news and reading the paper daily. I want to have more conversations like this. I want to contribute. I want to have something to say, an opinion, an idea.
I am also considering returning to group DBT on a weekly basis. I have talked with my therapist and she thinks it is a really good idea. It helped me a few years ago when I went through it, but my experiences with it this last time were not good. I told my therapist that I only wanted to attend her group and she said she would be happy to welcome me. I have a lot of trust and faith in this therapist, and really enjoyed her in IOP (intensive outpatient group). I am hopeful that group DBT will be helpful for me again.
So, as the title states, I don’t think this is an episode. I am thinking of it as a bump in the road, a nail in the tire, a nagging headache. It will pass in due time, and with some work, things can be a lot better.