(regret not required)
Year in and year out, I have found myself falling in and out of religion. Not in and out of my belief that my God is a mysterious God, not in and out of the belief that belonging to a faith community may help me to feel less alone. More so just finding myself attending church, loving it, then hating it, then becoming indifferent and unmotivated to go. And then missing it once I had left.
It has been suggested to me by many well-meaning people over the years that finding a “good church” to be part of my “support system” was crucial to my mental health and sense of well-being. I’m just not sure I believe that anymore. I understand that I can’t only go from my home to work to a handful of friends and families homes and back to my home again, expecting that this will keep me from completely being housebound. I am sure something in my brain needs more than that, but I don’t think the answer to it is church or services or whatever you may call the practice of getting together in an organized way to celebrate your deity.
So in 2015, I won’t be pushing myself to find a “new church” or a “new religion” or to “join” something. I’m not going to feel bad about it, although I suppose at times I may long for it. I’m not saying “never,” either. I am saying, “No, not now. Rosa has bigger fish to fry.”