TRIGGER WARNING: talk of suicide
Just when I thought I had things figured out, or close to it, my fragile balance erupted and the lack of good sleep I had been experiencing turned into a total lack of sleep, overall.
Irritability, flights of fancy and grandeur, and 2:00 am drives around town, as I debated just what I could run my car into that would kill me and not just hurt me enough to make me a vegetable, a further burden to my family. These thoughts, they concerned me very little.
What was really weighing on my mind were the really sharp knives in the kitchen. That would be easier somehow, maybe less messy, with a smaller chance of collateral damage. I was plotting my demise rather thoughtful of others, or so it seemed.
After trying to see my med provider yesterday, she sent me directly to the crisis house, where I am sitting now, anxious and not sleeping but at least there are no sharp objects and I don’t have access to a vehicle.
You did the right thing, seeking help. I’m so proud of you for that. Having thoughts is one thing, considering acting on them is another. I’m glad you can admit this, own it, and change it. When you are vulnerable, life is so hard to see as precious, but it really is, and so are you. I’m praying for you.
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Thank you! Its hard to seek help, but necessary sometimes.
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How wise of you to get help. Hang in there, Rosa.
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Thank you…hanging!
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Oh, Rosa. I’m sorry life is such a struggle. Sending healing thoughts your way. Peace and life, John
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Thanks, John…just the way it goes sometimes.
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Good on you for reaching out for help. I’m glad you’re still with us, Rosa
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Thanks, Bradley
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Come back soon!!
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Monday looks like the day…
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Finally got to here. Good wise mind… and better, you are safe. Good call Mija. XOXO
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I’m so glad you took the help option, not the death option. You’re making positive choices.
I hope with all my heart that you get 100% better. We’re all here for you x
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Yes, hope over death turned out to be an “a”-okay choice. 🙂 I’m not 100% better, but better enough to be home, so there’s something! Thank you for dropping by, I always love to see you!
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Sending lots of love!!!
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Thanks, chica! 🙂
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You’re so smart. Good for you. I don’t think I’d know what to do, but thank goodness you did. Still catching up on your blog posts.
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Smart…man, I don’t feel like it, but I’m glad you said it anyway. Knowing what to do isn’t always being smart, its just having been down that road a few trillion times. 🙂
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