Possibilities and Challenges

I like to blog more often than a month worth of every 10 days or so, but life is getting in the way.  Not necessarily in a good way.  In short words, my parents are getting a divorce.

Longer words, current circumstances are stressful, interpersonal relationships are either weakened or strengthened.  I find myself crying a lot and screaming, “I can’t do this” in my head (and sometimes, out-loud, usually in my car), even though I’m not sure exactly what “this” is.

And sometimes, actually, it’s more like mostly, it hurts so much and its so badly stressful because you see your parents, people you have known your entire life, who have loved you and protected you and sang silly songs to you and called you out on your curfew, well, you see them suffering.

Suffering and crying and being angry and being sad.  Having to make really hard, life-changing decisions.  It is very difficult, as a grown woman, for the first time after 30-some years of living life together, that you see your dad cry.  Not able to talk to you because he is so upset.  Absolutely heartbreaking.

All the people around you, who so clearly don’t see your position and obviously think you are an idiot, tell you it’s not your fault (of course it’s not!) and that it is between them and there is nothing you can do to make it better (well, YES, no kidding, really?).  I spent the first bit trying to get them back together, of course, which is a natural human response, I believe.  But then I realized, this is not my battle to fight.  There is absolutely not one single thing I can do that will “fix” this or make it better.

I am hoping I am going to turn the corner from being extremely stressed out and upset and crying and going on to some sort of acceptance.  I am working on it, is all I can say.  Maybe do a little more of what Mr. Merton says:

You do not need to know precisely what is happening,

or exactly where it is all going.

What you need is to recognize the possibilities

and challenges offered by the present moment,

and to embrace them with courage.

Thomas Merton


A quick note…

I have been very behind reading, liking, and commenting on other blogs.  If you haven’t seen me stop by in awhile, my emotional turmoil and all the stress is what is keeping me away.  I hope to return to the blogosphere with much enthusiasm in November for NaBloPoMo and plan to be doing a lot of reading of blogs I have followed forever and hopefully some new blogs starting very soon.

Rosa

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20 thoughts on “Possibilities and Challenges

  1. You obviously have a grip on this. The acceptance takes time. But you have the important part and the rest will follow. And believe or not — as a twice divorced parent — they are both likely to be happier people when this messiness is done. Just continue NOT putting yourself in the middle and make sure no one else puts you there, either. It’s so easy to get sucked in.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really appreciate that first statement there, Marilyn. One can cry and be upset and feel sad, and STILL have a grip on things. I think I am handling this much better than I would have even six months ago.

      I do believe they will both be happier people when this is all said and done, just think the growing through it and learning and losing is what is so painful. And change…some people deal with it better than others.

      I am working really hard at not letting myself be sucked into the middle, not choosing sides, trying to just be supportive for both. I think I am doing that, and it really is an everyday struggle to make sure that I don’t let myself creep into the mix and try and “fix” things.

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  2. You do know that is an empathy like. I am sorry you are going through this.

    Anyone who would say these things in your life are a result of your “causing” it is an idiot. Sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ((hugs)) Thanks, Sheena! And yes, some people are idiots (more than a few!) and I have really had a hard time not listening to said idiots. And you, dearest Sheena, are good at pointing out idiots…and telling me not to listen. I thank you for that. 🙂

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  3. Sorry to hear about your folks sweetie. I can’t imagine what going through a divorce is like for anyone other than one of the people getting the divorce, and that sucks, so I’m guessing this sucks pretty bad, too. The only advice I can offer is that the single most important thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. If you don’t care of you, you can’t help anyone else. If you need me, you know where to find me. *HUGS*

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    • Thanks Mama… ((hugs)) right backatcha. 🙂 Trying to take care of myself…hmmm, that could be another post! I do know what you mean, though, and I feel like I am doing a half-ass job of it. It’s not so much taking care of myself even, as it is being kind to myself. You know, it’s a DBT thing. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. When I feel overwhelmed or as if I’m being crushed I take a moment just before going to sleep where I light a candle and just breathe for a while. Healing takes time, and so does getting severe stress out of our systems. I can’t even begin to imagine what divorce is like, but as some of the others have mentioned: remember to take care of yourself as well. Go slowly, it is often the only way forward. Just remember to breathe. 🙂 take care

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    • Thanks for coming by, Fredrik, first of all. I really enjoy your blog so always feel pretty special when you drop by this place. 🙂 I do a lot of breathing exercises and meditations as well — they really help me. Go slowly…trying trying trying. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Bradley. I am sorry I didn’t get to your email the other day. I only saw it yesterday, and about the time I was going to answer it, I decided I should blog and then I was going to come back and send something off to you but fell asleep. I am kind of a lousy friend right now. I do appreciate your concern and it is nice to be thought of. Many ((hugs)) to you my friend!

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  5. So sorry to hear, Rose. I know how much they matter to you, and how much you love them. Good, loving parents are a great gift. And they will continue to be. Please don’t worry about reading and commenting on our blogs, and know that my prayers and best wishes are with you and your family.

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