Collection of Thoughts

For-the-moon-never

 

In the past, I struggled with nightmares.  Trauma-induced nightmares that would wake me up, breathless and sweating.  I’m pleased to say that with a good healthy kick of Prazosin, and years of therapy, I don’t have those dreams often anymore.  Now when I dream, it is usually right around the end of the world and I am fighting.  With guns.  And saving people.  And looking for my dogs.  And my sister.  These aren’t nightmares, per say, but they are unpleasant.  I also have a lot of dreams about showing up places inappropriately dressed.  I don’t believe in dream interpretation, but I can imagine what some people would say about that.  It is funny, though, to only  have two types of dreams:  end of the world dreams and inappropriately naked dreams.  I’d like a little more variety.

 

he who does not understand silence

 

I like this.  It spoke to me, but I didn’t hear it.  OK, kidding, obviously.  There is so much truth in this quote, though.

DSB:  What’s for dinner?

Me:  *silence*

DSB:  What’s wrong?  What happened?

Me:  *silence*

DSB:  Do you not want to talk about it right now?

Me:  *nodding head*

DSB:  Come see me when you’re fit to have this conversation, because we ARE having this conversation.

And what I was trying to do was keep from crying, but he thought I was mad about something.  Sometimes the tears come for no reason, and they will not go away.  And he doesn’t get that, even when I explain it.  Emotional times around my household lately.

 

She-lives-the-poetry

 

Word to you, Mr. Oscar Wilde.  When I was growing up, I wrote tons of poetry.  Now, I can’t even read it.  It’s to the point where, if a poem shows up in my reader, I just delete it.  I can’t go there.  All that time I spent gushing out my emotions on paper, in poetry form — that time is over and long gone and, while I wish I could still write like that, I appreciate the medicated and unable-to-write-or-read-poetry version of Rosa better.  But Mr. Wilde is right, I am living it.  You can’t read it or see it, but it lives on.

 

friends are like quarters

Amen to that.  I’ve been through times when I’ve had tons of “friends,” who really I could probably only call acquaintances, and some not even that.  Now I have a very very few friends, and they mean more to me, and are more to me, than any 790 Facebook friends I used to have.  It’s funny who we choose to share our life with, and I think the better quality comes from sharing it less, but sharing it with people who get it more.

 

 

 

 

Defiant Medication Non-Compliance

Yep, that’s me.  As I’ve learned over the course of the last several hours, DSB DOES think that Ritalin helps me.  I’m not so sure.  I’ve been on and off it for awhile now.  Doing really good taking a dose here and there, but nothing consistent.  Turns out that Ritalin is one of those things (aren’t most psych drugs, other than benzos?) that has to be taken regularly to feel the effects.

I don’t have ADD or ADHD.  I’m taking Ritalin for depression.  Supposedly it helps calm my brain, smooth the frayed edges, help me focus, and give me a little energizing boost.  I don’t know that it does all that, but I’ve been lectured into the ground.  We have fought, I tried to make up, we fought some more, back and forth,  until I realized I wasn’t gonna win this one.

DSB is convinced that not taking Ritalin is why I’m not sleeping.  I argue that it’s stress.  Maybe it’s both?  All I know is that I’m past the point of exhaustion, and I’m willing to try anything.  I’m going to go back to my old sleeping med, because, while Sonata knocks me out, it keeps me asleep for roughly three hours.

Three hours isn’t enough.  So, we’re back to the good ol’ Zyprexa Zydis, or olanzapine ODT, for those who aren’t familiar with the brand name.  DSB says that I didn’t give the olanzapine a chance — that I had a few night’s rough sleep and decided it wasn’t working.  He’s probably right.  So I took one, and we’ll see.  I’ll report back in the morning.

Right now I feel like crap.  Not sleeping, too much stress, not enough down-time.  It’s not getting any better in the foreseeable future, so I really need to man-up.  Or “buck up” as the Big Dawg would say.

I used to listen to this song every night before I went to bed, waaaaay back in the day.  I’m gonna give it another little try tonight.  Maybe you should, too!

 

Ten Things of Thankful, Fourth Edition

It’s the end of another week, and it’s time to link up with Liz at Considerings, among others, and shout-out what has made you thankful this week.  This link-up is one of my favorites, because it usually makes me feel like I just gave myself a really big hug.

FREE_HUGS,_in_Hibiyakoen,_Tokyo_Prefecture

 

1) I am thankful for Easter.  For the chocolate, the jelly beans, the scrape-it-together dinner DSB and I are having.  I’m thankful I’ll get to see my mom for a couple hours and I’m thankful I had a nice chat with my dad this morning.  I’m thankful for the Easter pictures of my nephew and I am thankful that DSB is home for the holiday.  Yay for Easter!

easter

 

2)  I am thankful for my Crock-Pot.  So many a harried evening has been saved by the Crock-Pot.  Feeling a little lazy?  Throw something in the Crock-Pot.  Going to have a crazy day?  Throw something in the Crock-Pot.  Chicken that thawed three days ago and needs to be cooked?  Throw it in the Crock-Pot.  Tonight’s Easter dinner is featuring frozen chicken quarters cooked in the (yes) Crock-Pot, which will then be shredded and sauteed with a BBQ sauce and Italian dressing mixture.  Quite tasty.  And convenient!

This is the exact crock-pot I have, color and all.  I also have a slightly smaller, rounder black one.

This is the exact crock-pot I have, color and all. I also have a slightly smaller, rounder black one.

 

3)  I am thankful for my Nalgene.  I may have posted that on TToT before, but it has been a huge money and thirst-saver for me.  I have always drank a lot of water, but I would also frequently indulge in Sonic drinks, or Taco Bell Happy Hour slushes, you get the point.  That money added up, and I was still always left feeling thirsty.  I now  have a Nalgene (that my mom bought the special cap for…woot woot, Mom!) and I love it.  It is a 48 oz and I drink three or four, sometimes five of these a day.  I love water, as long as it has ice!

Mine is that color blue, but much larger, and with a drink-easy cap.

Mine is that color blue, but much larger, and with a drink-easy cap.

 

4)  I am thankful for Mom helping me get some summer clothes.  I like to be able to show up to work and look clean and put-together and (at least somewhat) cute.  She makes that happen every year, and just this past week she picked me up a few things that were very cute (and fit!).  I appreciate her doing this so much — I am not a good clothes shopper!

0031_09593_mc_4716

5) Related to number four, I am thankful that I realized yesterday, while at work, that I really AM kinda cute.  I’m a big girl, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive.  I had one of my new outfits on, and I caught a glimpse of my reflection, and was like, really?  That’s not so bad!  Actually half-decent!  I just hope I can hold onto that thought/feeling for awhile.

images (1)

 

6) I am thankful that I deleted the first TToT I wrote today.  I was tired, I wasn’t in a good place, and I was forcing it.  Now I feel the words flowing, am finding great pictures, and feel like this is more “me.”  I almost decided not to do TToT today, because of that first go-round.  Now I’m glad I did.  Here’s to not giving up on yourself.  Hear, hear!

something good every day

 

7)  I am thankful for Mom helping me get the house cleaned up before DSB came home.  She is such a trooper and a great motivator.  I wish I had 1/2 her energy and stamina.  She is in the latter part of her fifties and can outwork most 20ish men.  I know that because I see it happen on a daily basis in the store.  She is very generous with her time in helping me, and in giving me a kick in the ass when I really need to get something done.  Love you, Madre!  xoxo

tumblr_mmlk5iycUW1rccenlo1_500

 

8)  I am thankful I am sleeping again, but wonder how much longer until I will be caught up.  I am thankful for the sleepiness and the resting, because missing a week’s sleep could have swung the other direction.  Am I actually having a normal reaction to not getting enough sleep?  Oh my!

sleep_sheep

 

9)  I am thankful for Dollar General, where it seems you can always find that one ingredient you were  missing, without having to go to the actual grocery store.  Also, the milk is always fresh!

dollar_general__ext

 

10)  I am thankful last, but not least, to the amazing people who read this blog, comment, like, even those who don’t comment and don’t like.  I know you’re out there.  Within the next three or four days, I should hit 1,000 follows.  Never imagined I’d make it that far!

images (2)

 

 

 

Now hurry up, get your TToT done, and link-up over at Considerings!

I Just Want Your Time

images

 

My DSB is finally home.  He actually came home yesterday.  He’s not fixed, but he’s better.  And he’s a little better today than he was yesterday.  Hopefully that trend continues.

Being without my normal DSB time this past week has really thrown me off.  I didn’t sleep.  My eating was more messed up than normal.  I took more PRN’s than usual.  I didn’t feel myself.

DSB and I make it a point to connect, spend time together, be together, be in the same room as each other as much as possible.  Depending on when we wake up and go to bed, even on the days I work and have appointments and other stuff going on, we probably get five or six hours of face time every day.  Maybe more.

I thought that was normal.  I did some asking around, and it’s not.

And it made me realize that DSB and I are not normal.  Of course, we  have the benefit of me working part-time and DSB working when he has a project to do.  It’s like, by being on disability, we are rewarded by having more time for each other.  I don’t know what it would be like if we both worked full-time.

Wait, yes I do.  I’d be crazy and DSB would be in traction, hooked up to oxygen and a heart monitor.

Whatever the reasons are, any amount of time you can spend with your significant other is worthwhile time.  I don’t think it even particularly matters what you’re doing.  Get that face time in, even if you can only manage an hour.  When you don’t, things can get out of whack in a hurry.

When DSB and I first got together, I was in a habit of being very selfish and never making time to spend together.  One day, he played me this song, and he said, “Rose, this is what I’ve been trying to say.”  And I got it, just like that.

 

 

Don’t Live There: Get Up

 

 

 

melt down

 

As anybody who knows me or has talked to me in the last week or has done even a minimally good job at following this blog, ya’ll know the past week or two has been beyond the bounds of stress.  I may have snapped at a few people, been less than my cheerful self, become irritated by small things you asked me to do, seemed overwhelmed at a task that wasn’t that big, not returned your calls, or avoided you all together.

Right here, right now:  I intend to fix that.  Like the picture above says, “cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”  Well, I think, after tonight, I’ll be done crying it out, at least for a little while.  I could say for a week or a day or a month, but we all know what Father Time can do and how Mother Earth likes to smack us upside the head sometimes, maybe when we’re getting a little too proud or confident.

 

bad day

It’s easy to generalize a bad day into a bad year, for sure.  Especially at the start of the year, when not much time has passed.  It has not been a great year for DSB’s health.  There was the abcess from the kidney removal, the subsequent surgery to remove the abcess, and then, to add insult to injury, a wound vac that must be changed three times a week by a registered nurse.  And now a (going on 5-day) stint in the hospital with pneumonia.  DSB’s 2014 has been unpleasant, medically speaking.

While it’s safe to say that DSB has not had a stellar start to 2014, I can’t take that on as my own.  To generalize that to myself, to say that dearest Rosa has not had a stellar start to 2014, would be a lie that only I would tell myself.  That I have sometimes told myself time and time again, when things between DSB and I were not going well.  Because when someone is sick and someone is tending, tensions grow.  When someone is sick, the other person worries and stress rises.  But Rosa has not  had a bad start to 2014.  Some amazing things have  happened, and I think I have chronicled some of them in my TToT posts.

To, me, I can feel like the woman in that picture above.  I can sense the wonder at the rising or setting sun, the yellowed grasses around me, the sky, the very being of myself.  Some truly wondrous things have happened to me so far this year.  I have:

1) Formed and continued solid friendships with my bloggie friends.

2) Solidified my love for DSB, by choosing right over wrong, trust over lies, consideration for the other over self-indulgence.

3) Forged deeper connections with my inner voice.  I can let that voice out now, and have it be heard, and not worry (too much), about what effect that voice is going to  have on a person that chooses willingly to read what I have written.

4) Given up trying to hide myself from the one who has always hunted me.

5) Learned to forgive, not to forget.  Learned to trade in anxiety and lonesomeness and uncertainty in a fatherly relationship for compassion for what that person must be going through at this time.  We are all human, even dads.

6) Learned to separate myself from that which is negative in my life.  I choose not to have negativity in my life, and won’t tolerate it.  Even if this means giving up people that I thought I cared about.

7) Started to open myself up to the possibility of rejection.  Making jokes, telling fish stories, and selling bait isn’t as easy as you might think.  There is a world of nuance within those walls.

8) Decided to stop counting my breaths as I am trying to fall asleep, and instead to just.breathe.  In, out.  Don’t say it, don’t think it, just do it.  Appreciate the feel of the air through your nose, through your mouth, the rise and fall of your chest, the tickle in your throat.  Don’t put a word on it, just be, just do.

To celebrate, let’s take a listen to my second most favorite meditation practice, singing bowls.  And let’s be honest, Goddess of Mindfulness, my first pick is always the metal, but nowhere else can I get those bowls.  They are addictive and the stories you told me on Wednesday left happy traces of puppies and friends and love on my heart.  Bless you.

Please note that these are quartz singing bowls and they have a very special place in my heart.  If you can (after you get through the commercial-ish first section), do take a listen.  Take off your shoes, set your feet on the floor, sit upright, and breathe.  You can do this.  You really can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some Random Commentary

We have to face both new and old situations with a different perspective than what might have been our first.  My first instinct is to lie, and it comes from years of doing so.  With DSB, I had to learn NOT to lie.  To be transparent.  Even about the small, silly shit.  Our relationship has grown from it, but every not and again the old Rosa will creep up and tell a fib.  For no reason.  The new Rosa has to atone for that sin, has to come clean and be forgiven.  You can’t approach every situation the same as you have treated others every day of your life.

 

live

As with my lying, I feel I am making up for the errors and sins of my past, here, now, in every moment that I breathe and speak.  I want this life to be worth living, because I only  have one.  I believe in God, and I believe in his forgiveness.  I believe that if I pray and do right, one life really will be enough.

 

I have posted before that God gives you more than you can  handle.  What you do in that case is reach out to everyone you know, so you can keep holding on.  So you can learn.  So you can grow.  I believe I am strong enough to live through the hardships that have come upon me.  Through many difficult times, I have persevered.  I will continue to do so.  I have my faith, my family, my DSB.  I will persevere.

 

Time changes all things.  I wish my Grandpa and the Bird Lady were still around to meet DSB and know the happiness I have found, after so many years of grief.  I have to believe that they DO see it, that they are looking down.  I don’t think you ever have to FORGET what’s gone, but depending on how traumatic or painful, that might be preferable.  More than likely though, you can use it as a driving force toward accomplishing the next great thing that is in your life’s plan.

Following is DSB and mine’s “song.”  We played it incessantly when we first got together, and he told me it is how he truly feels about me.  There’s talk about waiting for the moment to be right, but always being there.  He is feeling a little better today, so we were able to talk more.  Like the photo above, I look forward to what is to come.

 

Bits and Ends

I made a promise to myself that I was going to post every day for the rest of the year, and I guess technically I am still posting tonight.  It just doesn’t feel like much.

I have all of these thoughts and feelings swirling around about a topic I can’t discuss on this blog.  I don’t know if he reads it, but it wouldn’t be right to put it out there.  To put it simply, my biological dad and I are just not on the same page.  That statement is probably not fair to him in some ways, maybe some of it’s me, but I can’t help but feel like an abandoned 6-year old, all over again.  That’s all I’m saying about that.

DSB is still in the hospital.  Pneumonia, severe.  It’s pretty bad, and the treatments for it make all sorts of other things worse.  He’s still gasping for air, I’m reminded of my grandfather, now that my mom has mentioned the similarity.  It brings back old feelings and sadness and such worry.  Extreme worry.  Nail-biting, hair-pulling worry.  And there is nothing I can do.  Nothing.  I’m getting help from QoB tomorrow (thank GOD for QoB and her ability to get a dirty house in fast order) to get the house all cleaned up for his homecoming, whenever that may be.  His doctors aren’t even setting a projected date yet.  DSB and his medical problems could fill every post for a month and I wouldn’t be done.  But I’m not going to burden anyone with that (although I seem to keep doing just that).

Related to DSB not being in the hospital, I am sleeping terribly.  I miss the feel and heat of him lying beside me.  Rascal, his pup, lies right up against me, but it’s just not the same.  DSB never licks my face like that, and he doesn’t shed.  They both fart in bed.  (tee-hee!)  In all seriousness, though, it is super-hard to not have him here.  I rely on him for so many things, that I didn’t even realize.  He is my left hand, he is my rock, he is everything to me.  And I can only see him in three or four hour increments, and he can’t talk for most of that, because he is trying to use oxygen.  It’s about to kill me, the being home alone.  It helps to go to my mom’s, but I’d rather be with DSB, even if I’m just watching TV in his hospital room while he gasps for air and mumbles something to me every so often.

It has come to my attention again today that I have great blog friends.  Emails back and forth, talking about things that are important, that aren’t important, that are.  I love it.  I love you guys.  I really do.

My sister goes back to work tomorrow, and, while I’ve asked for my share of prayers and shout-out’s to the Universe here lately, I ask that you think of her today, just for a minute, and wish her well.  It’s going to be hard for her, I know.  I wish I could live next door and just take care of that baby while she has to be gone, but it isn’t feasible.  I just want to fix it.  It’s probably not broken — my sister likes her work, but she loves that baby.

I am looking for good book recommendations.  I have a few on my Kindle that I’m getting ready to read, but I’m starting to commit myself to reading at least an hour every day, starting this coming Monday.  Suggestions and “holy-shit-stay-away-from-that’s” are welcome in the comments or by email.

Speaking of which, you should email me.  We should be friends.  I love my blog friends, as I said before, and I can never have enough.  So drop me a line, whydontcha.  RosieSmrtiePants at gmail dot com

I think that’s enough for a day.  My friend Bradley tells me he doesn’t like to read long posts and that most people don’t, and I tend to agree with that.  You should go say hi to Bradley, and check out the start of his series on his experiences with being homeless.  His series “Ten Days in Lockdown” about being hospitalized in a psychiatric facility is also very good.

We’ll cap it off here just above 700 words.  Do enjoy the video before you go.  Jack Johnson always soothes me.  Always has, always will.

Happiness is Right Here

The above song came out right around the time my sister and her (now) husband were planning their wedding.  I think both my mom and I hoped that they would choose it as their wedding song, because it was just so “them.”  Little did we know that they had another very special song in mind.

It seemed like such a magical time.  She had asked me to be her maid of honor, much to my surprise and, er, honor.  I mean really, it meant the world to me that she would ask me to be by her side as she married the man she loved most in the world.  And although I didn’t know her soon-to-be husband in a very deep way, I was convinced that he would treat my sister right and even more convinced that he felt a deep, profound love for her.

Her wedding day that November was the happiest I had in years.  It’s still probably in my top five happiest almost five years later.  It didn’t matter that the guy I was dating at the time was a complete social reject or that my dress didn’t fit right or that my shoes were ill-advised.  I choked up when I saw her walk down the aisle, barely stopping myself from full-on crying.  I was teary-eyed throughout the ceremony, and really, had never experienced tears of joy before.  I actually thought that was a made-up phenomenon.

After the wedding, there was a whirling limo ride through the city, with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen and the happy couple drinking beer that was actually made by my brother-in-law and his friends, and made to taste like champagne!

The reception was lovely, I made a little speech (that went rather well, I was told), and we danced away the night.  I have never danced so much, ever, and don’t think I ever will again.  I actually danced so much that I could barely walk the next day (darn those inadvisable shoes!).  My sister and her husband were so clearly giddy and in love and happy.  My heart warms thinking of it even now.

A car stood waiting to whisk my sister and her husband off to their hotel for the night, as my then-boyfriend helped me maneuver my tipsy parents off to the cars we drove.  A wave goodbye, and they were gone, Mr. and Mrs.  The only time I have ever been happier is holding my new nephew.  More love and happiness brought to me by those two.

I love that my sister made me a part of that day, and that I have been able to see my nephew a few times since he was born.  He is (I think) coming up on three months old now, and my sister has to go back to work.  I probably won’t see him as often, but I plan on asking for some time off every now and again so I can go see my favorite little guy.  Love and  happiness reigns with my sister and that little baby, even through the crying and the tears and the up-all-nights.  There is so much love.  I couldn’t be happier.

Also perfect — the song that they DID choose for their wedding:

 

 

 

 

Obsessive Tendencies Rosa

The theme of today’s Daily Prompt is:

Can’t Get it Out of My Head!

They ask “have you ever become obsessed with something?”

Me?  Obsessed?  Obsessive tendencies Rosa?  Ha!

It varies from day to day, but five constant obsessions include:

1) DSB’s health.  We’ve been in the ER most of the afternoon and evening, and DSB has pneumonia.  Like, in a bad BAD way.  They admitted him and, while we waited for a bed, he forced me to go home, laying on the guilt with, “the dogs need for someone to be home.  We left them in the middle of a thunderstorm.”  Gah.  So here I am, at home.  DSB is still sitting in the ER waiting on a bed.  And I am (in my head) writing my memoir, which at this point is stuck in the litany of illnesses, surgeries, accidents, and mishaps that DSB has had in the two years that I have known him.

Emergency

2)  Blogging.  Not blogging well, mind you.  But blogging.  Putting something up every day, even if I have to do it at 6:00am in my underwear or at 9:00pm before I’ve had dinner.  Even if it’s complete drivel and no  one reads it.  Hey, I’m blogging.  Daily.  I’d like to get away from doing “list and picture posts,” but I think I’m becoming obsessed with those, too.

3) Jelly beans. That’s right, it’s Easter bunny time and I am ALL about the jelly beans.  Year-round, actually, but right now, they’re everywhere!  Jelly Belly is my favorite, but I even like the $1 packages you can buy at Dollar General.  Jelly beans are my kryptonite.

These are Jelly Bellies...taken from Wikipedia of all places

These are Jelly Bellies…taken from Wikipedia of all places

4) My pups.  They mean everything to me and we treat them like they are itty bitty royals.  Treats, snacks, good (and expensive!) dog food, always up to date on shots and heartworm and flea/tick, fresh water, and a dog food bowl that never stands empty.  I can’t explain the love I have for these pups.  See below for yourself:

kizz

Kizzer Wizzer licking her chops

Rascal in water

Rascal in Kansas waters for the first time in his life

Kizzie and Rascal in water

Kizzie and Rascal wishing they didn’t have to be on leashes

5) Sticking to my schedule.  If there is only one non-medication thing I can do to treat my bipolar, to keep the bipolar demons at bay, it’s sticking to a schedule.  I have a wake-up schedule and an evening schedule and a bedtime schedule.  I take my meds at the same time each day.  I go to work on the same days, structure my days off, and generally not allow myself any down-time to brood over things.  If I’m not blogging or catching up on the 210 (yikes!!!) blogs I follow, I’m reading a book or scrubbing my kitchen or chatting up DSB.  Idle time is not good for me, and I learned that the hard way.

via I actually keep a day-planner.  Love!

via
I actually keep a day-planner. Love!

So, down goes another “list and picture post.”  They really are addictive!

Ten Things of Thankful, Third Edition

Today’s Top Ten was inspired by the following:

keep on

Yesterday’s post (which was read by I think, four people and didn’t even receive a like, not that I’m bitter or the low number freaks me out or anything) was all about never giving up, with a second half that sprawled out into the wide world of why it’s not good to lie.  I know, totally random.  It was one of those kind of days.

But, like Joe Dirt, in my opinion the funniest and most heartwarming David Spade movie to date, Joe keeps keeping on.  Just like I’m keeping on, through so much good stuff that it outweighs the bad.  In some ways it’s hard to keep keepin’ on right now, because DSB is in such a bad place.  I feel like I don’t have my partner, like some of the oxygen in my air has been sucked out, like things are just a little bit like a tilt-a-whirl at the carnival and my little seat keeps going round and round as the bigger platform gyrates up and down.

You get the point.

1) I am thankful for giant beach towels.  Kizzie is hiding under one spread across my legs as I sit here and type this.  She is terrified of rain and thunder.  DSB is in bed already and apparently Kizzie was not successful in getting tucked  under the blanket.  It’s kind of nice to me, because these days she usually runs to him when she’s scared.  It’s a good feeling to be her protector every now and again.

2) I am thankful for blog posts in which I make no sense at all.  It keeps me humble and reminds me that I should never write a book, as much as it might be encouraged.  I feel sad when there isn’t even a single like on a post, and maybe one comment.  I mean, I get it.  I don’t read and like and comment on every single thing that I read, but I do on a lot.  It’s one of those things that just is.  People like the damndest things that I write, and then skip over some that I think are pretty good.  Whatev.  I’m not in it for the money or the fame and glory.  I’m in it because I genuinely like doing it, even if it’s only for my own sake and the only person that reads it is my mom and therapist.

via

I know, Mom.  I know!

3) I am above and beyond thankful for my Kindle.  I was never one of those people who said, “oooohhh, but I LOVE real books.  The paper and the smell and the blah blah blah.”  I had to have one from the moment they came out and took off.  I’m on my second now, a Kindle PaperWhite and I love love love it!  I love being able to download books from my county library for free (just like with a real book, I know), I love $1.99 specials and 50 books under $3.99 and big credits on my account when the publishing firms screw up and lawyers decide they owe the readers money.  I love not  having big dusty bookshelves and accidentally tearing pages and dogs chewing them to shreds.  I can’t think of one single thing I don’t like about my Kindle.  Bury me with it.

from Amazon.  I have the pink case.  :D

from Amazon. I have the pink case. :D

4) On a related note, I am thankful that Dean Koontz just keeps on writing.  That man can write like nobody’s business, and he’s just a-churnin’ ‘em out!  I am currently working my way through the “Odd” series.  I had already read the first three some time ago, like when they came out, but much to my delight, I found out there were several more and my library carries ALL of them in their ebook library.  Can a girl ever get more lucky than that?

5) I am thankful for the ability to run the air conditioner in my car with the windows down.  This may sound silly, but sometimes it’s hot, but the breeze feels nice.  It’s probably all sorts of wasteful and I’m probably going to get an email from my mom or a lecture from my dad on how hard that is on a car’s system, but I’ll take my moment where I can get it.  It’s not like I do it all the time, all right?

6) I am thankful that Blue Bell ice cream pints were on sale today when I went to Walgreen’s to pick up some cough medicine for DSB.  And they had mint chocolate chip, which just made my whole damn day.  I find that, when your food budget is extremely limited, you don’t get a whole lot of chances to eat ice cream or cookies or chocolate.  Because that stuff is expensive!  But so is broccoli.  Go figure.

7) With all the ongoing anxiety (all related to DSB’s health and welfare), I have been having a hard time falling asleep.  I saw my psychiatrist early this week and he prescribed Sonata.  Of course, there was a prior authorization from my insurance required, so I managed to get it by yesterday evening.  Let’s just say that I am thankful for Sonata, because I fell right to sleep.  I did, however, wake up and put my shorts on inside-out.  Do not know if the two are related.

via Walgreen's

via Walgreen’s

8) I am thankful most of all this week, for prayers, kind thoughts, candles lit, dances danced, and so on for DSB and hope for recovery from ill health.  Not quite sure what’s wrong at the moment, other than he is extremely short of breath and is coughing.  And running a fever.  And having pain in his chest.  He assures me he is not having a heart attack, and since this has been going on a week, I presume he is correct.  My fear is that his blood clots are back somewhere and his thought is that he has a cold which may or may not have turned into pneumonia.  I am very scared at this point, because it just seems like health problem after health problem and he can’t function properly.  It really has him depressed, too.  And there’s nothing I can do, unfortunately other than making sure he stays hydrated and gets up and walks around once in awhile (to prevent more clots).  And nagging him to see a doctor.  So, if you’re reading, and you’re any kind of spiritual, send a shout out to the Universe that DSB recovers soon.  I feel like one of my legs is missing.

dandelion

9)  I am thankful for having a working car.  I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be without personal transportation.  Sure, there’s public transportation here, but it’s in the city.  And from what I hear, it’s less than ideal.  Maybe in a big city I would be okay without a car, but I have so many appointments (and so does DSB), that I think it would be a real hassle.  So, I am feeling very fortunate.

2004-chrysler-pt-cruiser-4dr-wgn-blue_100137332_m

10) I am thankful I am not addicted to Facebook anymore.  I don’t know if it’s just the “friends” I have, but there is so much negativity and drama.  I opened it up for a little while about an hour ago to check on something on my parents’ business’ site, but jeez.  It’s terrible and horrible.  Maybe it’s just me and I need to develop a tougher skin.  Whatever the case may be, I’m seriously considering deleting my account.

images

I couldn’t find one with a “thumbs down,” which is what I really wanted. :(

And that’s the long and short of it.  This is a really fun post to do, and you have through Sunday to get ‘er done for the link-up, which you can find at Considerings.